Ring. Riiing. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiing. Who is it? Who could it be? Why….. love is calling….. and it’s… for YOU?

….. Actually, taking a second look at you, you’re kind of…. disheveled? Come to think of it, when was the last time you even showered?! Ugh, well… I… suppose we can work with this? Go change your clothes, slip into something nice, put your receiver on straight, clean your keys, whip out the phone book… yeah, y’know what, I think we can find you…


Juuust another day at the switchboards, y’know what I mean?

Dialtown is a comedic visual novel / dating sim with a dizzying amount of content and a clever if not endearingly crude sense of humor. You step into the shoes of an escaped cryptid that managed to break free of the local zoo, and as you look for a place to nest your brood your gaze comes to the local funfair. Bingo! Plenty of food, humid, and lots of muddy grass to dig a hole in and settle down… but alas, you find yourself confronted by one of the game’s first key characters: The Funfair Ticket Overlord.

No money? No problem! No, seriously, I have no money. I actually have a lot of problems.
(Also can you let me know what the sticker on my receiver says? My roommate put it up there last night and I don’t own any mirrors so…)

Upon attempting to flap your vocal chords in the direction of this obstinate gatekeeper buffoon, you quickly realize he’s a hard negotiator as he outright refuses to let you into the funfair for free. However, there is a caveat- there’s a special 2-for-1 Valentines day deal you see, meaning YOU, strutting your stuff about town can find a …. uh, nice suitcase or phone person to con- I mean, CONvince to go on a date with you at the funfair.

Throughout your quest to find a loving somebody to share a romantic evening with, Dialtown has you traverse many wonderful vistas such as:

  • A desolate park full of raccoons and trash
  • Downtown Dialtown (A truly shocking centerpiece for the game to feature)
  • A dirty phonebooth that reeks of urine
  • The exterior of a burger shop where you can harass bond with fine meat connoisseurs
  • Pedestrians to pester endlessly
  • A weird alleyway with some kind of dog
  • More parks!
  • Grass!
  • An apartment complex with doors left slightly open which is a clear invitation to MAKE FRIENDS. Oooof, ow, my finger bones! Hey! Don’t slam so hard!

And in the end, you make many, many public complainants FRIENDS AND ADORING FANS along the way. What luck, now that you’ve found a date you can make your way to the funfair and finally take up your noble role in the circle of life. Oh, what joy, what romance! What HOTDOGS, DID THAT SAY HOTDOGS? I AM VERY HUNGR-

(Editor’s note: I feel very called out right now.)

Oh, I was talking out loud again, wasn’t I? Oh, that? Don’t worry about that. It just…. TELLS YOUR FUTURE. Who cares, the only fortune I’m interested in is enough cash to buy ten gallons of teriyaki spam flavored cotton candy! OH BOY WHAT A DEAL! I love the funfair. Date? Huh? What date? No thanks, I can’t stand your outfit.

Look, go get on a rollercoaster or something, no, I don’t want to help you with your eggs, I don’t want any breakfast right now.

…….. Wait, do you hear that? It sounds like a dialtone.

… Hello???? … well, okay, more cotton candy for me.

Emily Rose is an indie developer who writes for and resides in the pacific northwest. She’s often seen in the local VR arcade and developer community participating in pushing the medium’s horizons. You can find her on twitter @caravanmalice